i permit you to call me
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
