No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
