Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
