So drunk its hurt
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My bed smells like the plague
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