Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
