dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So squirting runs in the family.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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