He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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