I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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