It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
