can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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