Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
