I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
