Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
