2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
