I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
