I want to make a zoo with you.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
