there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
