Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
