I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
