Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
