just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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