Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
