i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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