Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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