actually, I'm a sock model
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
