He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
3pm strippers are depressing
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think my nap took me to another dimension
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
