Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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