I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
