i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
