Having a random hookup so left but love u
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
