im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
