Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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