I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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