Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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