She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
