It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
