Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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