so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
