Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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