I'm going to rape someone's good day.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
That's how pantless uber rides happen
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
