he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
