put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
