I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
