Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
