forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I need a hoe opinion
go on
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
