HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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