$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
