Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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