We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I puked a lego.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
