dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sorry about my life...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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