yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
