While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
